Notes on a Film - I Have Lost Myself

I read yesterday about acting and I took mum out to the pub and I filmed a MFA video. I don’t feel any truth in it. I like my face in the camera and I don’t like my full body yet because I haven’t found a place to do it. I will rent a studio and film there. At the moment, I still don’t know how to move but then I don’t want to move because I am pretending to be mum and mum doesn’t move much. I have the look of my mother. I am losing what my aim is. I want to show different emotions which my mum goes through in a minute - fear, anger, happiness, confusion.

I watched Son of Saul and loved the cinematography and depth of field point of view. Face acting. I watched The Passion of Joan of Arc for acting with the face. I want pale white skin and bright red hair with ocean blue sparkling eyes. I need truth and emotion. Mum was better with wine and didn’t moan at all when I wheeled her home from the pub.

Notes on a Film - I Have Lost Myself - 2017.